In my life, I have gotten some wonderful advice about dating and romantic relationships. Did I always take this sage wisdom? Of course, I didn’t. I’m one of those people who will ask for guidance, completely ignore what was said, and do what I was always gonna do, much to my detriment.
With that being said, it doesn’t mean you can’t benefit from the best dating advice I ever received if you need some tips or assistance when it comes to love!
Dating is Hard
Look, we can’t lie to you, and chances are pretty high that you are already well aware that dating can be super intimidating and messy. I’d compare it to trying to flirt while interviewing for a job—no pressure at all.
If you get too inside your head and overthink things, it can cause a lot of anxiety in the process. But it doesn’t have to be that complicated if you take the advice I dismissed because I was gonna do things my way.
Don’t be like me, and listen to the best dating advice I’ve ever received. Take it in, process it, and use it when necessary!
Concentrate on Your Own Feelings
Barreling into the dating scene with an obsessive preoccupation about whether someone is really into you goes hand in hand with a quick burnout.
Constantly trying to impress and be on your A game on every single date is an overwhelming and super demanding task. Here’s the advice I got: Concentrate on your feelings towards them.
Are you into them? Because if not, who cares how they feel about you? Seriously, this is an ego thing, and while it’s human nature, in the end, it doesn’t matter if you aren’t interested in your date.
And if you are (or could see yourself growing to be) interested, ask about the important things that matter to you, whether those are their principles, relationship goals, or dreams for the future.
Get familiar with their characteristics and see if you even like talking to them. As you go on more dates, evaluate if you want to spend more time with them. Consider how their way of life lines up with yours.
My absolute best dating advice is to take charge of your dating experience. When you stop worrying about others’ perceptions and start focusing on your own, dating becomes not only more fun but also so much more successful.
Don’t Choose Those Who Don’t Choose You
LOL, this is a big one that I still ignore to this day. If you are anything like me, the chase is a huge part of dating.
My brain will short circuit at any sign of disinterest, and a monster in my head will repeat this mantra: “I am gonna make you love me.” It has worked out exactly one time, and it did not work out in the long term, so heed my advice on this one.
Don’t force it. If you set your romantic sights on a person and it isn’t reciprocal, aka unrequited, it is gonna wreck your self-esteem. The thrill of the chase is not as thrilling as you think, and it will very likely damage your sense of self.
The advice I got was to make sure that when you go on a date, any feelings are mutual. And even if they are mutual in the beginning, if that changes, stop your pursuit.
Yes, you have chosen them, but have they chosen you back? Unequal scenarios in dating will drive you nuts—you are not a backup plan or a placeholder for someone else.
It’s a terrible feeling, and not only will it hurt you, but you are spinning your wheels in a situation that ultimately will not work out.
There are so many fish in the sea, so don’t get tunnel vision (like me), and bide your time thinking they’ll eventually return your feelings if you hang in there long enough. If this person doesn’t see how amazing you are, move on.
The effort you’re expending on someone who doesn’t feel the same could be spent on a person who does like you. Choose yourself every single time.
Friendship Potential
You need to consider a really important question while dating someone: “If there was no physical attraction, would I still choose to be friends with this person?”
If your answer is “absolutely not,” it’s time to reevaluate your dating choices. The heart of a happy and healthy romantic relationship goes way beyond mere physical attraction; it’s about dating someone you genuinely like, have fun with, respect, and think is a decent person.
Physical appearances come and go, but values, humor, and a great personality usually stay pretty constant throughout life. The best dating advice is to make sure that there’s a solid base of friendship in any romantic involvement.
And if you’re looking for something casual, that’s okay, but be honest and upfront about it.
Moreover, if you do see them as a friend and things don’t take off romantically, you still come out of the dating game with a new friendship—not too shabby!
Spot Red Flags and Repeated Behaviors
Here’s some great dating advice: don’t act all shocked when the same bad things keep happening again and again.
If you notice someone keeps doing something you don’t like and it happens more than once, that’s not only a red flag–that’s a pattern. Three or more times? Run for your life. This is a neon red flag, and you shouldn’t ignore repeated bad behaviors.
It’s really important to spot the warning signs early. So, when you’re dating, don’t be too quick to make excuses for people you don’t know well—save that energy and kind of trust for people you know better and who don’t exhibit repeated bad behaviors or wave red flags in your face.
There are lots of great people out there to meet, so don’t get stuck in a bad situation that keeps repeating itself like it’s Groundhog Day.
Rejection Isn’t Always Personal
This one is a really tough pill to swallow—like a big horse pill that gets stuck in your throat no matter how much water you try to wash it down with. Here goes: Rejection, 90% of the time, is NOT personal.
Yes, it feels really personal, it feels horrible, and it plain sucks. But the truth is that rejection is mostly about basic compatibility and has nothing to do with your self-worth!
Being rejected doesn’t mean you aren’t a great person or fun to be around. And it doesn’t mean you aren’t attractive—it just means that you weren’t compatible with that person.
Besides, you don’t have romantic feelings for every person you go on a date with, do you? You don’t. It goes both ways. Sometimes, it’s just not a match.
So don’t take it to heart—rejection is a part of life, whether it’s when you are dating or applying for a job (although work rejection tends to sting a little bit less).
Takeaways
And that brings us to the end of the best dating advice I have ever received. While I ignored most of it in my younger years, with age comes wisdom, and the wisdom I’ve gotten from others is worth its weight in gold when it comes to dating matters.
