And so we meet again to talk about online dating—the most popular (and convenient!) way to meet new romantic prospects. All you have to do is download or open up your preferred dating app and start swiping or scrolling to make potential connections.
But anyone who’s spent any amount of time on dating apps knows that the endless profiles and the constant decision-making can get tiring really quickly. No, you aren’t imagining it—it’s known as “decision fatigue,” and this is the mental overload that sets in when we are making choice after choice.
And with an abundance of faces and bios, this kind of exhaustion can push us to make impulsive judgments, get frustrated, or throw in the towel on dating apps!
If decision fatigue is something you’re dealing with or have dealt with in the past, it’s not terminal! You can overcome it by making a few changes to how you online date and make it fun again—and way less tiring. How? We’re going to tell you below!
Understanding Decision Fatigue in Online Dating
You’ve likely heard the term decision fatigue, but what does it actually mean, especially in terms of the online dating world? It’s a worn-out feeling that comes over you after you’ve scrolled through profile after profile or had to choose whether to start or keep up conversations. An overload of options can delete the excitement and make you feel like online dating is work.
Decision fatigue can cause you to swipe faster, rush to judgments, and start skipping profiles without even noticing that you’re doing so. If you are aware that it’s happening, you can find ways to get back your focus and energy!
Signs of Decision Fatigue in Online Dating
Before we get into the strategies for combating decision fatigue, knowing how to see the signs that it’s happening to you is half of the battle! If any of the following sound familiar, it’s probably time to switch up your approach.
- Losing Excitement: If online dating starts feeling like an actual job, and scrolling profiles doesn’t bring any happiness or excitement, you’re likely suffering from decision fatigue.
- Quick Judgments: Are you swiping left or right almost without thinking? Fatigue usually pushes us to make quick choices, and that means missing out on people who might actually be worth connecting with.
- Avoidance Patterns: If you find yourself dreading opening the app, or repeatedly deciding to “do it later,” fatigue is probably playing a part.
- Feeling Mentally Drained: If dating apps leave you feeling wiped out, irritable, or just plain tired and bored, that’s a big sign of decision fatigue.
Set Clear Boundaries
As for how to fight decision fatigue, setting limits is one of the simplest and most effective ways to do it. With the unlimited access that dating apps give us, it’s not hard to lose hours swiping and scrolling. Setting some boundaries around when and how long you use these apps will help you keep things manageable.
- Time Limits: Try setting specific times for using dating apps. Maybe it’s 20 minutes in the morning and 20 in the evening. Giving yourself a set window can keep you from falling down a rabbit hole.
- Turn Off Non-Essential Notifications: Constant pings can keep pulling you back into the app, adding to that overwhelmed feeling. Decide which notifications are really necessary and turn off the rest of them!
Prioritize Quality Over Quantity
We all know that it’s a numbers game on dating apps. More swipes + more messages + more matches = better chances. But does this equation work out in the end?
Does “more” really equal “better”? Not by our calculations! When you concentrate on quality over quantity, you’ll be able to lessen any decision fatigue and increase your chances of making real (and good!) connections.
Refine Your Preferences: Take the time to really think about what you’re looking for. Instead of swiping through every profile, zero in on the people who genuinely match up with your values, interests, and goals. The psychology of swiping explains how you can make thoughtful choices.
Meaningful Conversations Only: Instead of starting a bunch of superficial chats, invest in some deeper conversations—it will keep things manageable and meaningful, and prevent the feeling of juggling too many connections at once.
Take Regular Breaks
You have to take breaks! Just like with any other screen-based activity, taking a break from dating apps will reset and refresh your entire mindset and help you approach things with new eyes and a better perspective.
- Digital Detox: Designate at least one day a week to stay off the app—no cheating! A day off will help you recharge and come back with a clearer head and a renewed interest in swiping.
- Mindfulness Activities: Doing something relaxing, like meditation or exercise, grounds you. And these kinds of activities can also improve your overall resilience against the dreaded decision fatigue over time.
Implement Smart Decision-Making Strategies
With seemingly endless dating profiles at hand, making efficient decisions is super important! When you adopt a few smart decision-making tricks, you’ll be able to keep your energy up and your dating choices much more intentional.
- The Two-Minute Rule: If it’s something you can decide quickly (like “Am I interested?”), go for it within two minutes. Keeping your decisions quick will stop the backlogs from piling up.
- Limit Profile Reviews: Give yourself a specific number of profiles to look at in a single session. This helps to keep you focused and makes it easier to find connections you’re actually interested in.
Explore Offline Connection Opportunities
If online dating is wearing you down, why not try to incorporate some in-person activities to even out the playing field? Not only does it help with decision fatigue, but it’s also a great change of pace!
- Speed Dating or Social Events: Sometimes, meeting people face-to-face at organized events can help take the edge off the endless swiping. Speed dating provides a structured but still interactive environment that’s totally different from swiping.
- Engage in Interest-Based Groups: Find meet-ups, hobby clubs, or community events where you can meet people who have the same or similar interests. A natural social setting also lessens the pressure to make immediate decisions.
Avoid “Cushioning” Behavior
“Cushioning” is the term for keeping backup options or talking to multiple people at once as a safety net of sorts. It’s a common thing in online dating (and in real-life dating), but it can easily exacerbate decision fatigue and it’s emotionally draining.
- Stick to Focusing on One Connection at a Time: Instead of trying to juggle lots of conversations, try committing fully to one. It not only decreases your mental load—it builds genuine interest.
- Rethink the Backup Plan: Relying on multiple options feels like a safe plan, but it also scatters your attention and energy. Going all-in with one person at a time is a good way to avoid decision fatigue. There are all kinds of drawbacks to cushioning; single-focused connections usually work out better in the end!
Know the Psychology of Swiping
Look, swiping seems like an innocent enough vice, but it’s way more complicated than it seems on the surface. Every single swipe delivers a nice little hit of dopamine, which reinforces a “just one more” mentality.
Understanding the psychological element to it all means you know why it’s so easy to get caught up in a swiping loop and it encourages you to be more mindful when you’re searching.
- Recognize the Dopamine Effect: The thrill of a new match can undoubtedly be addictive, but too much of it only contributes to decision fatigue. Just being aware of the effect can help you kick the habit of endless swiping.
- Swipe with Intention: Instead of swiping impulsively, try taking a minute or two to consider the profiles thoughtfully—it can keep you from reaching burnout status as quickly and make you more selective.
Practice Self-Care When Off the Apps
Staying healthy is a must if you are dealing with decision fatigue! Good physical and mental well-being will give you a strong?
- Get Emotional Support: Talking about your online dating experiences with friends or a therapist can help you process and relieve any pent-up frustrations, and that makes it easier to go at things with a lighter and much better mindset.
Set Realistic Expectations
There is a lot of pressure to find “the one” or to expect a match to go somewhere, but that pressure can backfire and cause unnecessary stress and fatigue. Stabilizing yourself in realistic expectations will give you a sense of calm.
- Accept Imperfections: Look, not every match will be the perfect one or even a good one. It’s normal if connections aren’t there or fizzle out after a few interactions—it’s all part of the process.
- Celebrate the Small Wins: Did you have a nice conversation? Did you find something in common? Acknowledging the positives, even if they don’t result in a romantic relationship, does make the experience feel more worthwhile.
Stay Informed and Adapt
The world of online dating is constantly changing, and if you stay up to date-and in the know, you’ll be able to adapt to any changes that could improve your experience or help you negotiate any challenges better!
- Keep Learning: Look at articles and resources about online dating trends and mental health strategies—these will always help you make the most informed choices for your dating life.
- Watch for Updates in App Features: Most mainstream dating apps release new features that are targeted at improving the user experience. Familiarizing yourself with any updates will make dating feel like it’s gotten a makeover and it can make it more manageable.
Final Thoughts
Decision fatigue can happen to anyone who is online dating—no one is immune! It saps our energy and the thought of opening up a dating app can make your tummy hurt.
But it doesn’t have to be this way—with some practical strategies—like setting clear boundaries, prioritizing good interactions, and understanding the whole psychology around swiping—it’s totally possible to keep your dating fun and deflect the burnout.
All you have to do is find a balance that works for you. Online dating should be a fun way to meet new people, not an exhausting bore, and with some mindfulness, you can make sure it stays that way!
