There are few things more awkward than getting into a new relationship right before Christmas. I mean, what are the rules here? Are there any rules? What if you get them a gift and they don’t get you one? Or vice versa? Awkward and kinda cringey. What is proper holiday dating etiquette? It’s a holiday dilemma, indeed!
While there isn’t an official book of holiday dating etiquette for exchanging presents when the romance is new, there are some solid guidelines that are mostly common sense and a little bit of intuition about the state of your relationship. So, we thought we could help out new couples who find themselves in this delicate scenario.
The main thing is to be thoughtful and appropriate—it’s an important balance for this moment.
And we have tips so that you can navigate holiday dating etiquette with your new romantic partner—minus any awkwardness.
Assessing the Stage of Your Relationship
Obviously, what stage of your relationship does change how you handle the whole holiday gifting thing. Are you two lovebirds spending most of your free time together, texting nonstop, or totally into each other? In this case, a small gift is the way to go! But if you’re still in that limbo phase of “testing the waters,” skipping the gift—or having a date night instead —could be the best move.
Not quite sure how to gauge things? Pay close attention to their energy when the holidays come up in conversation. And if you’re looking for a few ways to kick off holiday chats without feeling like an awkward newb, these conversation starters are a great way to see where you’re at in a low-pressure way.
Setting Expectations Early
No one, and we do mean no one, is fond of the gift-giving guessing game. We’ve found that the best way to dodge any awkwardness is to bring it up as early as you can! That is unless you met on Dec. 15; that doesn’t give you much wiggle room. If it’s early enough in the month, you could ask them, “What’s your take on exchanging gifts? Are we doing this, or do you want to keep things low-key?” Framing it as a mutual decision makes it much easier for both of you to share where you stand on the whole gift thing.
And look, if the thought of this conversation makes you queasy, don’t worry—that’s totally normal! This guide on surviving the holidays as a couple has some great ideas on how to keep things stress-free, even if you’re still figuring each other out as romantic partners.
Choosing the Right Type of Gift
Gifting in a new relationship should be simple but still meaningful. You could go with a smaller gesture—like a gift card to their fav coffee shop, a cute pair of socks, or a book they said they wanted to read! It shows that you were paying attention and are thoughtful without being over the top. If you want to make it even more special, you could make a day or night of it and get tix to a holiday light show or plan a fun and festive date.
As for what you should not do? Anything obscenely expensive or super personal—like diamond jewelry or something that shouts, “I planned this for weeks and I spend a lot of money on you!” If you want some inspiration for an experience in lieu of a gift, these Christmas date ideas are all fun, low-pressure options so you can celebrate the holiday together!
The Art of Giving Without Awkwardness
Gift-giving is an art form, but in a new relationship, it is fraught with insecurities about “Is it too soon?” or “Will I freak them out?” and the dreaded “What if I get them a present but they don’t get me one,” but if you keep it casual, you can elude any awkward feelings. A simple “Hey, II saw this and thought of you!” will make it feel like it’s no big deal. If they surprise you with a gift and you didn’t get them one, that’s okay! Thank them, and don’t over-apologize—that tends to make things even more awkward. You could get them something later on if you want to.
Holiday dating etiquette in new romantic relationships is no joke—it is complicated! If you are in panic mode, our fun guide on dating app etiquette has lots of lighthearted advice that still applies to real-life scenarios, especially around the holiday season.
Alternatives to Gift-Giving
Not all holiday moments have to involve unwrapping a tangible gift. More times than not, doing something together is even better! You can go on a festive outing, bake chocolate chip cookies (and eat half of the dough because that’s the best part), or curl up with hot cocoa and watch a holiday movie. These are the moments that are the most thoughtful and don’t have the pressure of picking out the “perfect” present.
Managing Cultural or Family Traditions
Holiday traditions are definitely like snowflakes—no two families do things the same way. Whether your partner’s family goes all out with gift exchanges or skips them entirely, take the time to talk about what they’re used to. It’s a perfect way to learn more about them, with the added bonus of steering clear of any unwanted holiday surprises.
If you’re curious about how traditions (or even pop culture) have shaped modern holiday dating norms, this article on dating trends gets into how our expectations are influenced by what we see and hear around us.
Planning for Future Holidays
What you decide to do this year can set the tone for the holidays of the future. Did a small gift feel right? Did you skip gifts and spend time together doing all of the festive Christmas stuff? Pay attention to what felt good for both of you and use that as a guide for the next year! After all, relationships are how you learn about each other as you get closer.
Want to build stronger communication skills for moments like this? Take a look a the tips for successful dating —they can help you get through the holidays, and you can use them post-holiday, too!
Conclusion: Making Holiday Gifting (Less) Stress-Free
Navigating holiday gift-giving in a new relationship doesn’t have to feel like you are walking through an old minefield that’s littered with awkward moments. If you are thoughtful and have open communication, it is doable to take the pressure off and actually enjoy the festive season together.
Below is a brief recap of the main takeaways above:
- Assess the stage of your relationship: Where you’re at romantically—if you’re casual or more serious—helps you to decide if a gift makes sense or if another gesture works better.
- Communicate early and clearly: A quick, not-too-serious convo about gift expectations will save you from any awkward moments and unmet assumptions.
- Pick a gift that feels thoughtful, not excessive: Smaller, meaningful gifts or doing things together are the safest way to show that you care without going overboard.
- Remember alternatives to gifts: Baking cookies, doing the festive holiday outings, or watching a holiday movie might be just as meaningful as an expensive or extravagant present.
Above all, focus on making the holidays fun for both of you! The end goal isn’t to just “wow” them with a gift—it’s to strengthen your connection and get closer.Looking for more dating tips and advice to keep the season stress-free? Check out our holiday dating advice and so much more on BestDatingApps.com!
