That perfect someone finally entered your life after a sting of less-than-stellar dates and experiences with singles on dating apps. They have the best qualities: humor, smarts, kindness, and diligence, and they aren’t too shabby looking, either!
Everything is going great for a few weeks when you are thrown for a loop–they tell you they have a kid. Or two kids, maybe even three! You are now dating a single parent.
You are childless and are not quite sure about having children. And while you’re really into them, you don’t want to share their attention (which sounds rather childish, but it’s a factor). You certainly didn’t set out to date a single parent, but you’re already involved–so what should you do?
Before doing anything rash, like ending a promising relationship just because your partner has a child, you need to take a deep breath and chill. Having a romantic relationship with a single parent isn’t particularly challenging or uncommon, so stop acting like you’ve been exposed to the Ebola virus.
Then, before you run away screaming like a toddler in the throes of a full-on tantrum, consider the pros and cons of dating a single parent, which we are going to list for you below!
First, the pros!
They Are Really Into You
Given their demanding schedules being single parents, they must truly like your company to spend time with you. When they have the option of relaxing with a good book or movie, with close friends, or alone, there is no way they’re going to spend their precious free time with someone they have no romantic interest in.
If a single parent is dating you, rest assured it has zero to do with your profession, bank account, your Tesla, or anything else with superficial worth. And it’s not only because you’re attractive–although, maybe the way you look plays a teensy part. It’s because of the kind of person you are and the way you make them feel.
And if you’re still just chatting on a dating app and haven’t gone on that all-important first date yet, but they’re thinking about it? That’s a good sign since it shows they’ve determined you are possibly worthy of some of the rare time they have to themselves.
Single Parents are Self-sufficient, Reliable, and Responsible
You can breathe easier if your previous partner spent too much time partying until 4 a.m., jumping from one job to another without warning, or left you on read; single parents will probably ignore your messages, although for very different reasons.
Single parents are bringing up children who are one day going to grow into adults, and they want them to develop into happy, well-adjusted ones! This means that single parents are responsible and obligated to give their children a safe, secure, and stable upbringing.
They don’t frequent nightclubs, jump from job to job or move from place to place. If they don’t respond to your texts, it’s probably because they’re busy with the kids or were too tired to read them. And you shouldn’t worry that they’ll hit you up for a loan or to help them fix things around their house.
In fact, you may find their lack of reliance on you frustrating since they are often the sole parent that their children have–there is no one else to do it if they fail to cover all the bases. You can take the initiative and be proactive about offering support, but you shouldn’t be surprised if they refuse to accept it.
Home Cooked Meals, a Tidy Home, and a Trustworthy Partner
A single parent could make a perfect match for someone who survives on fast food and wishes they had someone waiting for them at home after work. They are obligated to secure necessities for their children; although the legal minimum is “three hots and a cot,” most single parents go far above and beyond that.
If you were hoping for a home-cooked meal at their place for the first date, you can forget it! However, if the relationship blossoms, you’ll get to enjoy home-cooked meals and a clean dwelling, just like the kids do! On top of that, you’ll have someone who always has your back, is happy to listen to you, and cheers you on to success in every area of your life.
Selflessly loving and kind, they are ready to take care of you when you’re under the weather, lend a hand cleaning up if your basement floods, and play chauffeur if your Tesla breaks down, thus making them not only amazing parents but also incredible partners.
They will encourage you to go after the things you want, stand up to your employer, or play referee if you get into it with a neighbor. In the same way that they want the best for their offspring, they want the best for you. But remember to give back what you get from them.
There are more pros to dating a single parent, and we could go on all day; you get the gist! There are also some downsides to consider, and we’ve listed some of the cons for you to read.
Single Parents Won’t Put Your First
Look, this is going to be hard for some to accept, but you will never be a single parent’s top priority–we are sorry to break it to you, but their kids will always come before you, and that’s how it should be!
But if you’re dating a single parent and have even made it to their priority list, that’s huge–if they didn’t like having you in their life, they wouldn’t be making time for you at all.
They are going to cancel a date last-minute or leave in the middle of it if their kids need them because that’s what parents do. Sometimes they’ll have to miss spending time with you so they can finish some overdue work and keep their jobs.
But if they’ve chosen to spend any time at all with you, it suggests you’re important enough to be on their lengthy to-do list. You are probably near the bottom, but at least you’re on it! Think of it as a success, and remember that you are going to move up the list if the relationship progresses. You should get out now if you can’t accept the fact that you won’t be the first priority, and if you’re envious of their kids, you kiss any chance of remaining in their life bye-bye.
Single Parents Are A Package Deal
A single parent who is dating is doing it for their own benefit–they are looking for someone they can spend time with, who shares their interests, and who they like spending time with; this could result in a long-term relationship and possibly marriage.
For two single individuals, that’s plenty for them to establish a relationship; but for single parents, that is just the starting point–the decisions single parents make have an impact on more than just their own lives.
They bring along their offspring as part of the deal, which means that even if they are head over heels for you, they could reconsider their view if their children dislike you. Obviously, there are plenty of irrational or even silly reasons why the kids might not like you, but they can’t ignore them.
This forces them to think about details in the early days that normally wouldn’t be relevant until later in the romance. On a first date, a potential partner could ask you about how you feel about children, your plans for a family, and your interest in getting married. Don’t panic; this doesn’t mean they’re looking for a wedding proposal before the end of the date–instead, it means they want to avoid wasting either your or their time if you two aren’t compatible.
Minimal Sleepovers
In most relationships, spending a night together serves as a significant milestone. It indicates a growing closeness between you and a positive development for the partnership–but it’s highly unlikely for a single parent.
There is no way that a single parent can spend the whole night at your home! First, they probably can’t afford the cost of hiring a babysitter for an entire night. Second, who wants to explain to their kids where they were last night? Additionally, if their kids are little, they have to be available to them if they wake up and need something in the middle of the night.
It could seem like a good idea to spend a night at their home, but it really isn’t. There’s a good chance that they aren’t ready for you to meet their children yet. Furthermore, nothing ruins a good time quite like a kid barging in on it. And even if all you are doing when a child knocks is sleeping, there are still a lot of questions they’ll ask, and you might not want to answer!
There are, however, a few notable exceptions to this sleepover rule. If the kids are used to spending the weekend or other evenings with the other parent, then spending the night with you becomes easier. Alternatively, if the kids are older and have their own sleepovers at a friend or family member’s home, that ups your chances for an adult overnight!
But it’s safe to say that spending the entire night together is out of the question in the early days of dating a single parent!
Final Thoughts
The early phases of a relationship with a single parent aren’t very different from those with any other single person; sure, their time is more restricted, and they won’t be staying the night with you, but that’s about it.
Some single moms and dads are looking for long-term relationships, while others are primarily interested in casual dating or hookups–the pros and cons described above should only serve as a rough outline of what to anticipate. The key is to simply communicate with the person you’re into and see what they’re looking for–don’t assume anything, and you could be pleasantly surprised with what happens!
