The pace of our love lives has picked up steam like a high-speed rail train. Fun non-dating fact: the world’s fastest train is the Japanese MLX01 Maglev, with a speed of 581 miles per hour. Anyway, where were we? Oh yeah, how the dating game can move at warp speed, which is way too fast for some of us!
Another fun fact (this one is about dating): The average online dater spends around 90 minutes per day on dating apps, juggling looking for compatible matches and chatting. But at this breakneck speed, some are stepping on the brakes to decelerate—that’s right, slow dating is making a comeback.
This trend popped up a few years ago and is making a resurgence, and this more leisurely speed is a refreshing alternative to the super quick nature of modern romance. Unlike the fast-and-furious approach, slow dating means building connections over time, focusing on real feelings rather than instant or fleeting chemistry.
If you feel overwhelmed by the fast pace of dating apps, you should think about adopting a steadier tempo! Let’s find out all about the return of slow dating and see if it’s more in step with your romantic goals.
What is Slow Dating?
Slow dating is exactly what it sounds like—you take things slow! It’s an approach that just means you are taking a more relaxed, mindful route to finding love, concentrating on quality over quantity, and building real connections with others.
Definition and Principles
Slow dating, as the name obviously implies, is a more measured way to date, whether you’re in the early stages of getting to know someone or in a new relationship. It means letting go of those arbitrary timelines and the rush to a serious commitment and instead, enjoying the whole dating process. The core principles of slow dating are as follows:
- Intentionality: Being deliberate about your dating choices and interactions. This means knowing what you want from a relationship and not compromising on those needs.
- Mindfulness: Paying attention to the present moment, whether it’s during a date or while talking to someone new. It’s about really getting to know the other person without distractions.
- Quality Over Quantity: Concentrating on compatible connections rather than the amount of dates or matches—you spend more time on fewer dates to understand the person you’re with.
Slow dating refocuses from the sometimes superficial to the substantial so relationships can grow organically naturally and at their own pace!
Historical Context
Before the digital age, dating was inherently slower. People met through mutual friends, at social gatherings, at work, or even through family introductions. Courtship was a series of deliberate steps, usually beginning with group interactions and gradually moving to more private and intimate settings. The process was guided by societal norms that prioritized patience and steady progress.
In contrast, today’s dating scene is pretty much characterized by speed and convenience. Dating apps have made it possible to connect with so many potential partners in such a short time, which can turn into a rushed and sort of superficial method of looking for love. The focus has changed into instant gratification, with snap decisions and hurried encounters and relationships becoming the norm.
Slow dating is a return to these more deliberate and meaningful dating practices so singles can take the time to build a strong foundation, harkening back to ye olden days before our love lives went from analog to digital.
By adopting the principles of slow dating, you’re not just improving the odds of finding a compatible partner but also creating a more rewarding dating journey. You can stop and smell the roses while getting to know someone and let the relationship unfold at its own pace, unshackled from the pressures of modern dating culture.
Reasons for the Resurgence & Rise of Slow Dating
Why is slow dating coming back? That’s easy—singles want to pump the brakes and actually get to know who they are talking to before jumping into anything. But there are specific reasons why the trend is experiencing a resurgence, so let’s unpack what’s pushing its popularity back to the forefront!
Digital Fatigue
The digital revolution has changed how we meet and date, introducing a ton of dating apps that make connecting with others easier than ever before.
But it comes with a price—the seemingly relentless pace and superficial nature of these interactions can leave users feeling exhausted and unfulfilled.
So many people are overwhelmed by the sheer number of options and the pressure to make quick decisions based on minimal info. The endless swiping and rapid exchanges can turn into dating and swiping burnout and a longing for something that’s real.
Slow dating is a welcome (and much-needed) antidote to digital fatigue. People can focus on making genuine connections by taking a more deliberate approach to dating rather than chasing down instant gratification.
It gives room for a thoughtful exploration of compatibility, encouraging better conversations and interactions. Slow dating is quality over quantity, decreasing the feeling of trying to keep up, which makes the dating process actually fun and sustainable!
Desire for Authentic Connections
In an age where situationships, casual flings, and hookup culture are the norm, people have decided that they want better and lasting connections. A lot of people are tired of superficial encounters that don’t fulfill their true emotional needs.
During the COVID-19 pandemic, singles had the chance to think about what they really want from a romantic relationship.
This period of introspection led to a change in attitude about intentional dating practices, with a focus on creating real connections rather than engaging in transient interactions.
This trend continued post-pandemic and went underground for a bit, but has reemerged as people prioritize quality over quantity in their dating lives.
Mental Health and Well-being
The fast-paced nature of modern dating is sometimes really stressful and emotionally draining, often turning into anxiety and feelings of inadequacy when things don’t work out.
The pressure to quickly form connections and the constant comparison to others can take a severe toll on mental health. But with slow dating, you can better protect your mental health by being mindful and taking a balanced approach—your emotional well-being will say,
“Thank you.”
By concentrating on fewer people and investing more time in getting to know them, slow dating cuts back on the stress and pressure that are commonly associated with dating.
This method gives you a sense of control over your dating journey, which equals a more positive and healthy experience. The emphasis on patience and understanding helps people actually connect.
Slow dating also allows people to set their own momentum and pace, which lessens the stress that comes with fast-paced dating. You’ll be more present and engaged during their interactions, meaning better mental health and overall well-being.
How Slow Dating Works
Slow dating sounds like a methodical approach to building relationships—and it is! It gives people the time and space to make real connections. How does it all work? Keep reading to find out!
Mindful Communication
One of the foundations of slow dating is good communication. This approach encourages partners to have in-depth convos about their core values, dreams, interests, and experiences.
These discussions go a long way toward building a sturdy foundation of understanding and trust. Having decent dialogue means that people can better gauge compatibility and develop a real connection.
Mindful communication means being present and totally engaged during these conversations—it means actively listening (not just hearing, but really listening) to your partner, asking them questions, and sharing your own thoughts and feelings openly. This builds a stronger bond, and both parties feel heard and appreciated.
Intentional Dating
Another cornerstone of this trend is called intentional dating, which is just a fancy way of saying you are prioritizing the quality of interactions and concentrating on getting to know one person at a time rather than switching back and forth between a few casual relationships. The goal is to build a real connection with just one person.
Intentional dating looks like planning dates that make room for substantive talks and shared experiences. It means being deliberate with your time and energy so that each interaction is purposeful and conducive to building a strong relationship foundation.
This approach helps avoid the possible hazards of fast-paced dating, where connections can sometimes feel fleeting and shallow. When you put all of your focus on one person at a time, you are able to invest good emotional energy into understanding them better and building a stronger bond.
For example, instead of going on several casual dates in a week, you can opt to spend more time with one person, doing things that allow for meaningful conversations and mutual understanding.
Setting Boundaries
Setting and respecting personal boundaries is important in slow dating (and all dating, just to be clear). You should be upfront about your comfort levels and expectations and mindful of your partner’s boundaries. Whether it’s about the pace of physical intimacy, the frequency of communication, or the nature of dates, early discussions will prevent misunderstandings and build mutual respect.
If you’re not comfortable meeting in person right away, you should say so and find a compromise that works for both of you. Similarly, if you need time before becoming intimate, expressing this boundary guarantees that both parties are on the same page and feel secure in the relationship. Respecting boundaries creates a safer and more trusting environment, which is a must for any happy and healthy romantic relationship.
Setting boundaries also means being honest about your intentions and what you’re looking for in a relationship. This openness can help both partners understand each other’s expectations and avoid any potential conflicts later on down the road.
Patience and Deliberation
Patience is a virtue, and slow dating relies on this principle. Instead of rushing into a relationship, slow dating advocates for taking the time to make thoughtful decisions and allowing the relationship to develop organically.
This approach decreases the pressure that is associated with some types of dating—you can vet whether both people are truly interested and compatible with one another.
Patience in dating also means allowing the relationship to unfold at its own pace, without the rush to slap a label on it or move to the next stage too quickly. Rather than setting rigid timelines or deal breakers for relationship milestones, slow dating encourages you to take the time to experience each phase of the relationship fully.
This could look like spending several months getting to know each other before becoming exclusive or taking time to discuss and align your long-term dating goals or endgames before making any kind of serious commitment.
Slow dating also involves thinking about your interactions and experiences with your partner. Taking time to evaluate how you feel about the relationship and whether it matches up with your personal goals and interests can help you make better decisions about the future of the relationship—or if you see a future at all.
This reflective practice makes sure that both partners are constantly growing and evolving together in a healthy and supportive manner.
Benefits of Slow Dating
Slow dating has become a thing because people are searching for real and meaningful ways to connect with potential romantic partners! Below are some of the benefits of taking this slower approach to dating:
Stronger Connections
One of the best advantages of slow dating is the formation of genuine and lasting relationships. When you take the time to really get to know another person, you are creating a bond that is based on mutual understanding and trust.
This approach allows you to see past first impressions and physical attraction, allowing for a stronger emotional bond to be forged. By slowing down, you also give yourself the time and space to recognize any red flags and make sure compatibility exists on a fundamental level!
Decreased Stress and Anxiety
Another pro in the slow dating column is the reduction of stress and anxiety that comes with the territory of rushing into relationships. When you take things slow, there is so much less pressure to make rash decisions or to rush through relationship stages.
You are able to enjoy each stage of the relationship and to make thoughtful, deliberate choices about your future together. This means you are likely to steer clear of the dangers of fast-paced dating, where impulsive decisions can amount to regret and emotional turmoil.
Improved Self-awareness
Slow dating also encourages greater self-awareness. By taking the time to think about your interactions and experiences, you gain a better understanding of your own wants, needs, and dating goals.
This introspection allows you to hone in on what you really want in a partner and a relationship, making it easier to find someone who meets your expectations. Additionally, keeping your independence and continuing to pursue your personal interests while dating can prevent the super common issue of losing oneself in a relationship.
More Relationship Satisfaction
Relationships that are formed through slow dating tend to be more satisfying and fulfilling for both partners. By building a solid foundation based on trust and respect, you increase the likelihood of a long-lasting partnership.
Slow dating allows for the development of emotional intimacy before physical intimacy, which can improve the overall quality of the relationship. This method shows that both partners are actually invested in one another and are more likely to weather the ups and downs of a long-term commitment!
Slow Dating in the Digital Age
Slow dating is adapting pretty well to the digital age—it leverages modern technology to promote meaningful connections and thoughtful interactions.
Let’s look at how this trend is thriving and how you can put slow dating principles into practice both online and offline!
Adaptation of Dating Apps
There are some dating apps that recognize there are some people who want to take the pace down a notch and have added features that cater to slow dating practices, making it easier for users to take their time. Below are ten dating apps where you can slow date:
Bumble: Bumble encourages users to get to know each other better before meeting IRL with its Video Chat and Voice Call features. These tools help build trust and verify compatibility beyond superficial appearances.
Hinge: Known for its thoughtful prompts and detailed profiles, Hinge encourages users to share more about themselves, facilitating meaningful conversations and connections.
Coffee Meets Bagel: This app limits the number of daily matches, so users can focus on fewer, higher-quality connections rather than swiping through countless dating profiles.
The League: This app provides a curated selection of three matches per day so busy professionals can take their time and get to know potential partners better.
OkCupid: OkCupid’s extensive questionnaires and compatibility scores allow users to find matches based on true compatibility factors rather than just looks.
eHarmony: Known for its detailed matchmaking process and compatibility scoring, eharmony has always focused on thoughtful, long-term relationships by matching users based on core values and personality traits.
Once: Once recommends one match per day, allowing users to take their sweet time and decide whether they want to pursue a connection further.
Tawkify: An elite matchmaking service that gives users curated matches and personalized matchmaking services—users can take a slow, thoughtful approach to dating.
Luxy: Luxy caters to affluent individuals looking for serious relationships. The app focuses on quality over quantity by only allowing a limited number of daily matches and requiring users to meet certain income criteria.
Virtual Slow Dates
Virtual dates are an amazing way to put slow dating into practice, especially with the convenience of digital tools. Here are 10 fun ideas for virtual dates:
- Virtual Cooking Class: Sign up for an online cooking class and make a meal together. This is a fun and interactive way to get to know each other better.
- Online Art Workshop: Join a virtual painting or drawing class. Creating art together can lead to good conversations and show off your creative side.
- Virtual Wine Tasting: Do an online wine tasting event, compare notes on different wines and talk about your faves.
- Trivia Night: Host a trivia night using an online platform. It’s a super fun and intellectually stimulating way to get closer.
- Virtual Escape Room: Solve puzzles together in a virtual escape room. It’s a great way to test your teamwork skills.
- Stargazing App: Use a stargazing app to explore the night sky together. Talk about constellations and your common interest in the cosmos.
- Virtual Book Club: Read the same book and then have a discussion about it—it can give you insights into each other’s perspectives and book choices.
- Virtual Museum Tour: Explore a museum online and talk about your fave exhibits or pieces.
- Music Jam Session: Share and swap your music go-to’s and listen together—then make a playlist for the other person.
- Language Exchange: If you both are interested in learning a new language, you can learn a new one together!
Balancing Online and Offline Interactions
Curious about how you can successfully integrate slow dating principles into both online and offline dating? We have some tips and guidelines for you!
- Set Clear Intentions: Be upfront about your desire to take things slowly, and make sure your match shares and agrees to this approach.
- Limit Matches: Concentrate on a smaller number of matches so you can build stronger connections.
- Utilize In-App Features: Make the most of video chats and voice calls to get to know each other before meeting up IRL.
- Plan Thoughtful Dates: Whether virtual or in-person, plan dates that allow for good conversation and interaction.
- Reflect Regularly: Take time to think about your interactions and how you feel about the relationship’s progress.
- Establish Boundaries: Communicate your boundaries clearly and respect those of your partner.
- Mix It Up: Alternate between virtual and in-person dates to uphold a balanced approach.
- Take Your Time: Don’t rush into physical intimacy; allow emotional intimacy to develop first.
- Stay Real: Be genuine in your interactions and encourage your partner to do the same.
- Enjoy the Ride: Focus on the process of getting to know each other rather than the outcome.
By putting the above into practice, you can make the most of slow dating in the digital age!
Overcoming Challenges in Slow Dating
We love the slow dating trend and the novel (and refreshing!) the way it builds relationships, but it does come with a few challenges. Here’s how you can navigate these obstacles so you can lean in and fully adopt the process.
Handling Societal Pressures
Peer pressure is very real, and dealing with the pressure to conform to the fast-paced dating norms of today can be really hard! It isn’t easy to do, but here are some solid tips to help you handle and manage the societal pressures of dating:
- Communicate Your Intentions: Be open with friends and family about your decision to take things slowly so they understand your approach.
- Stay Confident: Trust in your dating approach and be confident that it will lead to stronger connections.
- Seek Supportive Circles: Surround yourself with friends who respect your choices and give you support.
- Set Boundaries: Politely but firmly set boundaries with those who are trying to pressure you into speeding up.
- Educate Others: Explain the benefits of slow dating to those who might not know about or understand it.
- Practice Self-Validation: Validate your own feelings and choices instead of seeking approval from others.
- Find Similar Souls Connect with those who share your dating philosophy.
- Focus on Personal Goals: Keep your eye on the ball when it comes to your personal growth and achievements outside of dating.
- Limit Exposure to Negative Influences: Cut back on the time you spend with people or in environments that stress you out about your dating pace.
- Stay True to Your Values: Always align your actions with your core values and beliefs.
Managing Expectations
Setting realistic expectations for the pace and development of romantic relationships is super important in slow dating—below are 10 helpful tips so you can keep your expectations in check:
- Discuss Expectations Early: Talk with your partner about your mutual expectations from the start.
- Be Honest About Your Feelings: Always share your real feelings and listen to your partner’s perspectives.
- Agree on a Pace: Decide together what speed works best for both of you.
- Celebrate the Good: Appreciate and acknowledge the small steps and milestones you achieve together.
- Stay Flexible: Be open to adjusting or adapting your pace if both agree it’s necessary.
- Regular Check-Ins: Have regular talks about how each of you feels about the relationship’s progress.
- Focus on Quality Time: Prioritize spending quality time together rather than focusing on how fast things are going.
- Manage External Influences: Limit the impact of outside opinions on your relationship—it’s noise you don’t need.
- Practice Patience: Remind yourself that meaningful relationships take time to build.
- Get Professional Advice: Consider talking to a therapist if you find managing your expectations to be harder than you realized it would be.
Maintaining Patience
Staying patient and committed to the slow dating process can be a challenge, but remember, you are doing it for a very good reason!
Read on for some ways that you can stay patient and keep focused:
- Concentrate on the Now: Enjoy getting to know your partner without fixating on the end goal. Appreciate each stage of the relationship as it happens.
- Practice Mindfulness: Engage in mindfulness practices to help stay in the moment and lessen any anxiety about what the future holds.
- Set Personal Goals: Focus on personal growth and interests outside of the relationship. This can decrease the pressure on the relationship to meet all of your emotional needs.
- Reflect Regularly: Take the time to think about and process your feelings and the relationship’s progress. Journaling can be a helpful tool for this, too!
- Communicate Openly: Keep open lines of communication with your partner about how you’re feeling and any concerns you may have.
- Get Support: Talk to friends, family, or a therapist about your experiences and challenges. Getting an outside perspective can be really helpful.
- Manage Expectations: Understand that building a meaningful relationship takes time. Avoid comparing your relationship to others, especially those on a faster track.
- Stay Busy: Keep yourself occupied with hobbies, work, and social stuff. A full life outside of the relationship will do wonders for making the waiting feel less daunting.
- Set Realistic Milestones: Agree on realistic milestones with your partner and celebrate them when they happen.
- Be Kind to Yourself: Know that it is completely normal to feel impatient sometimes. Practice self-compassion and remind yourself why you chose this approach!
Conclusion
In a society that’s always rushing, slowing down can make a huge difference, especially in dating. Slow dating isn’t just about taking your time; it’s about forging real, lasting connections that are based on compatibility and respect.
When you slow things down, you can actually enjoy the process, communicate better, and build a better base for a lasting relationship. So, what’s with all the rush? The best things in life aren’t just free—they’re also worth the wait!
