Certain people are simply experts in their field. These are the people who have spent their whole lives devoted to learning as much as they can about specific topics, and they love it. These are the Enneagram 5’s of the world.
Fives are the kinds of people you want to be around you at all times. They are natural problem-solvers, and they usually have the most insight into any given situation.
Although no Enneagram type is all introverted or extroverted, that’s Myers-Briggs; the majority of Fives are incredibly introverted. If you want to get a Five upset or feel uncomfortable, tell them that they have to leave their comfortable home or their current project and go out to a party. That’s a no-go for Fives.
When you’re in a relationship with an Enneagram 5, you will be known more deeply and fully than you have ever been known by anyone else. Fives are natural explorers and learners. There’s a reason that Enneagram 5’s are often referred to as the investigators of the Enneagram. This type loves to study the things that interest them in the world, and that topic might just be you.
The Investigator Overview
Enneagram type Fives are arguably the least talked about and well-known types on the Enneagram. That statement in and of itself is ironic because an Enneagram 5 is usually the kind of person who will have spent their entire life learning about all of the other types on the Enneagram.
The Enneagram 5 is intuitive, investigative, and insightful. Not to mention mostly introverted.
Fives are the homebodies of the Enneagram, much like the Nines. When you’re meeting a Five, you might stop and wonder if they get out much. But instead of lounging around and recharging, Fives are usually spending their days getting after their passions and learning more about the things that interest them.
Fives will often get caught up in their own little mind palaces. In fact, Benedict Cumberbatch’s portrayal of Sherlock is one of the most accurate ways to describe what a Five is and how they operate. They’re not flashy, and they are not performative. Instead, their investigative skills not only come naturally to them, but it’s like they have to handle and delve deep into every problem they face before they can continue on in the conversation.
While Fives are naturally intelligent and usually the masters of their fields of interest, they might not always be the first people that others think to call on when they’re handling a problem. This is most likely because Fives can get a bit too big for their britches, and they can become arrogant and emotionless when they’re given a problem to solve.
Just like Sherlock, they’ll solve anything they’ve been given with ease but might not be able to help themselves from making a snide comment after doing so.
If you’re talking to a Five about a particular subject and the Five goes quiet, it’s not because they’ve lost interest or they’re disengaged. In fact, it’s usually because they’ve retreated into their mind palaces, and their brains have taken the reigns of their entire operation.
Many Fives love to work by themselves and alone. This way, they don’t get distracted by anyone around them, and they don’t have to take the time and effort away from pursuing their passions to explain everything to anyone who asks.
- The Five’s primary fear is that they will end up useless, helpless, and incapable. To fight against that fear, they have spent their entire lives quietly proving that the knowledge and the insight they can bring to the table are not only necessary for everyone around them, but they themselves are irreplaceable.
- The Five’s most basic desire in life is to be capable and competent. They don’t want to feel like they need anything or anyone, so they strike out on their own to prove to themselves and the world that they’re okay.
At the end of the day, the Five wants to know everything they can possibly learn about the world around them, how things work, how other things operate, and how best to approach these things.
Fives value the idea of self-preservation and, in order to fully preserve themselves, believe that relying on their knowledge will help them go about the world.
Enneagram 5 in Stress
When an Enneagram 5 is stressed out, they shockingly take on the traits of a Seven. Usually, an Enneagram number will take on such opposing characteristics when they’re at their lowest, so it will be evident to anyone around them that they’re not doing too well.
The focused and task-oriented Five will suddenly become scatters and ungrounded. Suddenly, they will become almost unrecognizable to those around them.
Unhealthy Fives will also become defensive of their alone time, as they want to be able to prove to the world that they can function on their own and don’t need anyone else. Because of this, their pride will often get in the way of their logic, and they can dig themselves into a deep hole of isolation.
When a five is under stress, all of their social mannerisms go out the window, and they can be prideful, cynical, unstable, and judgemental.
Enneagram 5 in Growth
Alternatively, when an Enneagram 5 is at their best, they grow to an Eight. This means that they are more self-confident and able to see their wants and desires come to fruition instead of sitting around and dreaming of what could happen.
The Eight’s traits that the Five take on when they’re healthy and happy usually make the already focused and motivated type even more so, and the extra focus allows the Five to get things done.
A healthy Five will be able to gain a good perspective of the world around them. They will usually be able to see things for what they are and understand that they’re playing the long game rather than feeling as though they have to solve all of the problems in the world as soon as they’re presented to them.
Healthy Fives will also be able to connect more deeply and freely with others without turning to judge them.
Enneagram 5 with Wing-4
The Five-wing-Four has earned the nickname of the Philosopher or the Iconoclast. Leave it to a Five to have a complicated name that most people won’t know the meaning of.
This type is curious, creative, and reflective in its nature. They love the isolation that the Five is often so prone to running into, and they need to be alone to hear their thoughts to recharge. This type with this wing is the most introverted introvert you’ll ever meet.
The Five-wing-Four is exceptionally protective of themselves and their peace. This protection manifests itself in the type’s need to withdraw and be alone in their environments. Five-wing-Fours can be extremely sensitive and very self-absorbed.
The wing Four makes this type extremely strong and independent. Because they can recharge during their alone time, they are then able to attack any problems that might come up.
Enneagram 5 with Wing-6
Harking back to the idea of the Five being the Enneagram type that everyone should call when they need to understand or learn something, the Five-wing-Six is often called the Problem-Solver or the Troubleshooter.
This type is usually practical and logical. They are the types of people who will see a problem coming from a mile away and then think of thirty different ways to handle it before it gets anywhere near them.
The Five-wing-Sixes of the world combat their fear of being useless and incapable by trying to improve the world around them and fix any problem they can see.
These people are hard workers, and they’re dedicated to those they love. When they’re stressed, they will withdraw from the world around them until the stress dies down.
How the Enneagram 5’s Characteristics Apply to Romance and Dating
It’s essential for people in a relationship with a Five to know that they are naturally withdrawn and private. If you’re someone who needs to go out every night and be surrounded by people to recharge, you might not get along well with a Five.
But just because an Enneagram 5 might not want to go out all of the time doesn’t mean that they’re cold or uninterested in your life or the things that bring you joy. If you start to feel that way, it might be good for you and your partner to talk about how the two of you can find some middle ground between social events and staying in.
While Fives might seem cold and uninterested in hearing about your problems or emotions, it’s good to remember that this is the Enneagram type that has the most boundaries and who will actually stick to those boundaries.
Because of this, Fives will often not want to be sucked into any drama or anything that might distract them from their goals. That doesn’t mean that they are cold-hearted or not interested in sharing their personal lives with you; it just means that they are more comfortable when they’re not dealing with emotions.
All that being said, if you’re loved by a Five, you don’t have to worry about them losing interest in you. While their approach to love and their relationship expectations might be a bit different than what you’re used to, being loved by an Enneagram 5 is one of the most beautiful and meaningful experiences anyone could ever have.
All That Being Said
If you’re loved by a Five, you don’t have to worry about them losing interest in you. While their approach to love and their relationship expectations might be a bit different than what you’re used to, being loved by an Enneagram 5 is one of the most beautiful and meaningful experiences anyone could ever have.
Tips for Keeping The Enneagram 5’s Interested
If you’re in a relationship with a Five, you might not know how to act or best bless them because they won’t tell you. While everyone who identifies as an Enneagram 5 is different, here are a few ways you can love your Five.
Debate with Them
It sounds weird, but Fives love someone who can challenge them and keep them on their toes. A good debate and a nice chance to flex their brain muscles are often one of the best ways to keep a Five interested and let them know that you care about their interests.
Get Invested in Their Interests
Fives are passionate beings. If your Five is interested in something, they likely won’t shut up about it.
Instead of writing their interests off or ignoring them, try to buy into what they like. Rent a movie about their interests, go on a historical trip that centers around one of their favorite authors, and ask them about what they learned that day. This is how you love a Five.
Love Them the Way They Love You
Usually, the way a Five loves others is how they want to be loved.
Track how they love you and even look into the love language they operate out of. Fives don’t always know how to ask for certain things in a relationship, so show them the options for how they can be loved and go from there.
Things to Consider When Dating an Enneagram 5
If you’re wondering how an Enneagram 5 might approach dating, especially considering how they often approach the world, you’re in luck. We’re going to break down all things romance-related for the Enneagram 5.
The first thing you’ll want to know is that Fives will often approach everything in their lives like it’s a problem waiting to be solved. Because of this, they will usually silence their emotions and the emotions of those around them to get to the bottom of the problem.
Fives want to be seen as irreplaceable, but they’ve built their identities on being the kinds of people who can fix anything with logic and their brains. So when the Five is met with a problem that they can’t solve or that makes them uncomfortable, specifically those having to do with emotions, they begin to feel like failures, and their imposter syndrome will start to set in.
If you’re dating a Five, work together to become more emotionally intelligent and create a safe space where both of you can share your innermost thoughts and feelings safely.
It might be hard to feel like you’re emotionally connecting with your partner if you’re in a relationship with a Five. Don’t worry about it too much; they see the effort you’re putting into the relationship and appreciate it.
The Enneagram 5’s Compatibility with Other Enneagram Types
Although the Enneagram is not created so that people will know who they should and shouldn’t date, it is good to have the information on which types are the most harmonious with one another and the classes that will end up building each other up throughout their relationship.
Enneagram 1 – The Reformer
If you want to pair the two most analytical and brilliant Enneagram types together, you’ll get the One/Five pairing.
While this couple might take a while to get to know each other, and it might be challenging to see the chemistry, these fact-oriented perfectionists will make the best relationship, even if it kills them.
If you want a grade-a example of a power couple who is more than likely going to end up taking over the entire world with the click of a button, this is what you’ve been looking for.
The One and the Five will respect each other’s boundaries and be able to live independently of each other. But both of them know that they need the other to be their best selves and get propelled to a lifetime of success.
This pairing is terrific if you need an intellectual partner who will support you in all of your endeavors and make them better than you might have ever imagined.
Enneagram 2 – The Helper
In contrast to the goal-oriented power couple, there comes a different kind of power couple. These two opposing Ennnegram types together can help their opposite partner grow in ways that aren’t just intelligence-based.
The Five will teach the Two the all-important lesson of the importance of setting boundaries and sticking to them.
Similarly, the Two will teach the Five that it’s okay to reach out and love people, and that will not make them weak.
While there will be some clashes, and Twos are known for breaking down every boundary to get to the ones they love, this match is one of the best things that can happen for both types, and it’s a necessary step on the growth path.
Fives will bring the loyalty and direction that the Two often needs to a relationship. Meanwhile, the Two will be able to applaud and show attention to a Five’s many interests and make them feel needed and loved.
All in all, it’s a great pairing, if not a little oppositional at times.
The Enneagram 5’s Incompatibility with Other Enneagram Types
No one should ever use the Enneagram as a tool for exclusion and discouragement to date a particular type. But it might be helpful to see where you and another type on the Enneagram’s diagram might clash. That way, you can spot a problem before it comes up.
Enneagram 6 – The Loyalist
While opposites attract and many types that one might not think would go together usually end up being some of the strongest couples, the Enneagram Six and the Enneagram 5 usually tend to clash with each other more than help the other.
Sixes have often dedicated their lives to ensuring that everyone around them is safe and everything is okay. Because of this, when a challenge arises, they are more likely to take the easy way out and the self-preserving option than look at it with a logic-based mindset.
The Five will approach every problem they’re faced with through logic, and it doesn’t matter who gets hurt in the process of solving it.
Sixes are also notoriously clingy and need constant love and validation from their partners to feel as though they’re in a safe place in their relationship. They will often ask their partners to be emotionally vulnerable and share their feelings with one another.
Fives would rather emphasize their boundaries and not get entangled in that emotional roller coaster.
Final Thoughts about Dating an Enneagram 5
Fives are very by-the-book people, and they often rest a bit easier when they know that there are pre-prescribed ways to do things and go about their lives.
When you’re in a relationship with a Five, it can often feel like you’re in a romance novel. Not because the Five’s studious demeanor might lend itself to a steamy book but because the Five will approach everything in their life methodically and precisely. So your Five might have studied how to begin your relationship from either research or the books they’ve read in the past.
Fives are often very introverted and withdrawn from society. They usually know that they are the most knowledgeable person in the room, but unlike the Three, don’t feel the need to share that information wherever they go.
Instead, they’ll stand back and let people make fools of themselves. If you’re dating or married to a Five, you’ll know that your car rides home from dinner with friends or parties are often filled with your partner telling you the mistakes they caught throughout the night.
Although Fives naturally tend to be on the more reserved and independent scale, they love the people in their lives wholeheartedly, and they’re passionate about making everyone around them know how appreciated they are.
If you’re in a relationship with a Five, you’re going to be fully known and loved by them.
